When struggling to come up with a new and entertaining angle on Bangkok boozing to bring their readers this month, Dan & Andy drew a blank. As deadline approached, the only thing for it was to hit the streets, have a few beers to get the grey matter going, and let the liquor lead the way.
Nat Guesthouse
Corner of Khaosan and the lane with Suzy Pub, 9:20pm
Dan: After a charming meal, only spoilt by having to share it with Andy, we headed to my favorite Khaosan drinker, Nat. This scruffy, open-air bar is not remarkable in itsself but is my traditional choice for watching the Khaosan parade of nations and picking up backpackers.
Andy: Going out in Khaosan is rather like regressing to a wide-eyed, unsophisticated period of my life. But looking at Dan’s attire, this is still very much his present.
Shamrock Pub
Above Khaosan Centre, 10:35pm
Andy: Loud, raucous, football on the big screen and already developing a nasty smell of urine and sick. The night’s entertainment came from a group of very young, very inebriated British lads. Completely oblivious to their surroundings and other customers, it was rather like watching a group of chimpanzees let out of their cages and fed whiskey for the first time. Each wearing a silly hat, they treated us to a display of the finest drunken acrobatics I’ve ever seen.
Dan: The late, heavy meal was still very much settled within me, keeping me sober while all around us were swaying. Andy and I felt a little left out as the drunken Brits threw themselves at each other, did handstands and staggered around like a bunch of, well, drunk assholes. Andy wanted to stick around and view the fight which we were sure would arrive but I had bigger fish to fry.
Immortal Bar
In the guts of the Bayon Building, Khaosan, midnight
Dan: The first time I came here, a few years ago, the place was empty except for a couple of gay Africans and a shirtless Canadian guy who was having the time of his life. There are more people now but Immortal is my one-stop shop for late-night weirdness. These days the place is popular with Thais, who grind to hip-hop, wear big shirts and make all the hip-hop moves, just like on MTV.
Andy: My mind boggles at how commercial hip-hop culture seems to have spread to all corners of the world and made all manner of people attempt to look like complete dickheads. Growing up in Surry, of course, if I hadn’t discovered bar-reviewing I’d either be in the state-pen or dead now. Still having plenty of love for the street, I would have enjoyed myself more if the DJ had played a few records that I hadn’t heard a million times before.
Austin Pub
Little lane off Khaosan, 1am
Andy: Although the music was equally crap, I found myself enjoying this place a lot more. One thing I have to say about young Thais is that they know how to let their hair down without requiring an audience or complaining how things were better “back in the day”.
Dan: I’d wanted to see what this place was life for a while. It’s like, really, really crowded. Packed, in fact, and Andy and I were the only Farangs in there, drawing odd glances. Amazingly, we managed to get a seat at the bar on the third floor and enjoyed a couple of whiskeys in the lounge-room ambience, if your lounge-room happened to have 400 drunk and horny Thai students in it. I’d heard that it was a good place to pull, but alas, the only pulling was done by the gay man who grabbed my bag as I left. Foiled again.
Buddy Beer
Top end of Khaosan, 2:30am
Dan: It had been a long night, it had been an expensive night, and when you’ve invested so much time and money in something, it’s hard to let it go. So we headed for that over-lit, silver and white gin palace in Buddy Lodge. Not a pretty scene at three in the morning. Or four for that matter.
Andy: Being in Bangkok and still serving after two, I expected to see lots of whores and beer-bellies. So I was pretty damn disappointed when the only girls in the place walked straight past us without so much as a pinch on the ass or a “hello hansom man,” between them. Plenty more whiskey cheered me up, though, and made the trip home completely unmemorable.